I stumbled upon Dollface recently, a female-centered series on Hulu. At some point in the first episode, a literal cat lady says to Jules, one of the main characters who’s just been dumped by her boyfriend of five years, “Take it from me, ma’am, relationships with other women are sacred and necessary. We need each other to survive. In today’s world, the bonds of sisterhood are all you have to turn to."
Growing up, most of us girls were convinced by society, that male was better. If someone said “you are acting like a little girl,” it was an insult. It didn’t matter that you were a little girl. Then it advanced to: she works hard like a man, or she drinks like a man or smokes like a man…as if nothing we did in our femininity was justifiable as it was without a touch of masculinity. However, being ‘such a girl’ became a menace. Often, this was in reference to a girl who put a little more thought into what she wore, how she looked, or her neat nature. Being called a woman loses all the strength and somehow takes the shape of disrespect.
Where the rain started beating us
So, we fall through the cracks of the feminine and claim the masculinity or the maleness attributed to us because of human habits. We believe that it is better to have more male friends because they ‘have no drama’. We believe hanging out with men is better because they ‘don’t gossip’ or they ‘talk business and serious life issues.’ We sink so deep into this load of crap that we lock out a universe of genuine beautiful friendships, of women laughing loudly without feeling mannerless, of hugging each other without the worry of an erection poking at you, of not having to hold in emotions because they are ‘weak’.
Also read: The System Was Rigged: How the Gender Myth Dehumanizes All of Us and Why the Future Is Female
We condition ourselves to believe that being feminine is a waste of time. There is a certain pride in saying that you are not a make-up girl. I understand that some women genuinely do not care for make-up, and it is okay. Not going to the salon to get your hair done, or getting a pedicure or a manicure in no way, makes you more of a man. Skincare routines are not the reason why you are not a billionaire. We do not become more male-like by avoiding characteristics generally associated with women. There is a genuine feel-good that comes with taking care of yourself. We emphasize taking care of our minds and health, and I believe a little care for your physical and external body goes a long way in making you feel better.
What female friendships are for
It is at female gatherings, that you understand yourself a little deeper. You will never see yourself mirrored in a man, the way you will in other women. Establishing genuine female friendships where conversations are unrestricted introduces you to a new level of confidence. At one of my girls’ nights, my girls and I were talking and the subject of domestic violence came up. We all said with conviction and promised each other that we would not, for whatever reason, tolerate any form of it. We, as a crew, know we have each other’s backs and in a way, that enables us to forge forward more fearlessly. We know we can stand up for ourselves, and for each other.
We talk explicitly about finances and investments, sex, career, mental and physical health, routines, and adhering to them. We share YouTube channels that educate and inspire us, we recommend to each other books and movies that will either entertain us or remind us of our own powers. Female friends will show up for you emotionally and physically in a way nobody else will. They will hold you accountable, share opportunities, and ensure you grow as an individual.
Emancipate yourself from the lies
We have on numerous girls' nights, discussed the topics of male partners who dislike their partner’s female friends. Female friendships are so honest that we have given each other the power to see for each other if love ever renders us blind. The problem arises when the man realizes that there is more than one person who can smell his bullshit and call it out. That way, the woman might leave and very few male egos can take being abandoned. They isolate you from your friends and family, convince you that they are the only ones in the world that care about you. That way, they have enough space to do as they please with you, without any protection or defense.
Women are not dramatic or gossipy. If you are a dramatic and a gossip, isolate yourself and leave the rest of the women folks alone. Women have careers, hopes, dreams, businesses, and lives just as any other man out there. There is no particular reason why all that women’s conversations can be, is gossip. You just need to find a tribe that shares and connects with you on a larger scale. Plus, a little gossip never hurt nobody.
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