Morality in context’s definition seems to be another shot at confining people within certain thinking borders. Of course, the people most affected are women. They are the ones, as in Islam, who are told to cover their body so the men are not tempted, to not laugh too loud; it is immoral because it attracts a man. Basically, stay in your box lest your presence affects a man a certain way. This is one religion’s perspective. Other religions and communities have their own view of how a woman should be.
A ‘loose’ woman
The conversation around women being loose is often about sexuality and the number of partners they have had. Women have always been expected to lose their virginity on their wedding nights. How creepy is it that a whole community gathers around and waits to find out if a woman has had sex before? I still cannot wrap my head around that fact. Even worse, these traditions are still practised in some parts of the world. Additionally, no one asks a woman what man took her virginity so they can direct the same amount of scorn and judgement towards them.
If it is about sex, it doesn’t get much looser than an African man marrying as many wives as he wanted. So, it is definitely not about sex. It is about limiting what a woman can decide to do with her life. These obsessions with people’s lives indicate a lack of introspection.
The control aspect
It is about boxing women into marriage packages so society can unwrap them. It is about giving up things that matter to you so that they can control your every move. Women have fought their way up for everything, and continue to fight. The right to education. Right to vote. The right to choose their marriage partner and even the decision to get married. Childbearing. The right to work. Equal pay. Equal opportunities. It is a battlefield in every sense.
It must be difficult for patriarchy not to have a woman on a leash anymore. To make themselves feel valid, they coin new terms to shame women. If you try to pop your head higher than the limit they set, they come up with terms to knock you back into the fence-line.
The reality dawns on most men that they are not the sole anything anymore. Not sole providers, not the sole source of ‘pleasure’ (even though the conversation is still brewing on the understanding of female pleasure), not sole protectors. Not the sole anything. To try and keep them sane, society then advises women not to be ‘too much’ so his ego is protected, but who got the time?
The term 'loose' often comes up when a woman is fluid enough to escape looming misery. By not being 'loose', a woman is 'strong' or tolerant, meaning subdued enough to tolerate disrespect.
Do what you want
Even God is said to have given us free will. Do whatever you want to do with your body, with your life. The common values people should seek are compassion, understanding, love, and values that actually matter when experienced. What does counting how many partners a woman has had contribute to the common good?
What matters is that every decision you make is geared towards fulfilling your desires, making you happier, or more joyful. Consider your health and the health of those that matter to you.
Do not hurt people deliberately. And when you have given yourself the greenlight, go ahead and seek pleasure wherever you find it. Someone said to create time for joy because pain doesn’t even ask if you are ready. Society will coin the terms for you, and you might never hear about it.
