Family is our backbone. The laughter, the fun moments, the love, and the experiences we share define who we are to a huge extent. The thought that there are people who will climb mountains and swim across the ocean just for you is reassuring. It’s comforting that you’ll always have a form of security.
Despite the security that comes with family, not everyone can claim their family is the go-to place when worst comes to worst. People are struggling to communicate with their parents and siblings. They’ve allowed past experiences to define their family relationships. Any opportunity to resolve the disconnectedness is usually faced with resistance. If family members meet, it becomes a battle of the egos. The bad blood will continue through generations if not looked into, which will not help anyone, anyway.
It’s time to take the bull by the horns and address the disgruntlement, family rivalry, past bad experiences with family members, and create a strong, healthy bond that will ultimately improve your family relationship. Here are some pointers:
Humble yourself
Some people have an inherent desire to always be right. To prove to everyone that they were wronged and, of course, their feelings and opinions are far more important than anyone else’s. Arrogance curtails possibility of reconciliation.
When it comes to rebuilding family ties, neatly tuck in your arrogance. You don’t need to win in a reconciliation session. Proving a point will wash down all your efforts towards a healthy family tie.
Let go of your ego and arrogance. Clear your mind of the negative energy and be open to listening. A win-win will work better for everyone.
Be ready for a difficult conversation
Frank and open conversations are crucial to amend family ties. Although such conversations are hard, you must be vulnerable and open to share your disappointment and anger. It’s only by being honest that you reach a positive, productive outcome.
Prepare for the difficult conversation beforehand. Write down what’s weighing you down. Dedicate time to prepare adequately for the conversation. At the back of your mind, you want the best outcome from the conversation, but again, there’s a possibility that the other family member is not ready to let go. Therefore, let go of any expectations. Let go of anger and hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Depending on the level of conflict you have, the two of you might decide to meet alone, or include other family members. Whatever the situation, be prepared to answer tough questions. Be ready to compromise your stand. Let your goal be to restore family ties without looking into what you are “losing.”
Initiate the conversation
You might waste a lot of time waiting for a particular family member to apologise to you. What if they don’t know they wronged you? There’s also a possibility that, just like you, they are waiting for you to start the conversation.
You will only patch things up if someone takes the initiative to talk about it. That someone should be you. Instead of a speech, be open and vulnerable. Speak from the heart. Don’t be defensive. Choose your words wisely and communicate your discontentment with confidence.
Let the other person know exactly what angered you. Equally, give them time to explain themselves. An honest conversation makes it easier to see both angles of the situation and come up with a solution that works for everyone.
More of deeds, less of words
Once all has been said and done, it’s time to walk the talk. Consistent communication with your loved ones is a great way to show you are thinking about them. Therefore, make an effort to visit them, meet up, and be present in their life.
Since we are humans, we will always have conflicts with each other. That's unavoidable. But remember, family relationships are important. We must therefore work harder to ensure our family relationships thrive. It must be a deliberate choice. If no one is taking the initiative, then there won’t be healing and reconciliation.
